The New Year has come and gone but I am still feeling the nostalgia of 2019. 2019 was a very good year to me, and I can’t help but reflect on all the memories made and all the lessons learned …and there were MANY lessons learned! Reflection is one of the most important keys to personal growth but lessons learned are turned into wisdom shared.
So here are the top FIVE lessons that I learned in 2019 that I choose to carry with me in this new decade and choose to share with you all.
Lesson 1: There is never a perfect time to start anything or to do what you want so stop waiting and just do it.
I used to be a chronic waiter. I waited on the perfect time, the perfect person, or the perfect situation to appear so that I would feel comfortable to do what I wanted. But during all that waiting, the years passed and life moved forward, and I was nowhere closer to living the life I wanted or being the person I wanted to be. In 2019, I stopped waiting to be the person I wanted to be and just started being her. I ticked some bucket list things I wanted to see on my list of travels; I left a job I hated; I took a risk and started this blog. There is no more wondering; there is no more wishing; there is no more waiting. I started living; I do the things my heart desires; and I am so much happier. The world became my smorgasbord full of opportunities, adventures, and possibilities.
Lesson 2: There is purpose in pain, and you can either learn and grow from it or continue to live as a victim of it.
At the end of 2018, I came out of a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship as well as suffered a pregnancy loss. I became really angry and was in such intense emotional pain. At the time, saying that I hated my ex-boyfriend was the understatement of the year; I blamed and resented him for my pain and regretted the relationship altogether. However, as time moved me on and as I took personal responsibility for my healing, how I viewed what happened to me began to shift and change; and the truth is without experiencing all that hurt, I couldn’t have become this strong, this self-aware, and the most certain of myself I have ever been.
I don’t hate him anymore, and I don’t regret the relationship or the break up. Forgiveness is a daily choice I make to move forward; some days are easier than others but as more time passes, the hard days grow further and further apart. It’s not to say that thinking about him or that time in my life doesn’t hurt to think about because it does a little but I know that good came out of it. Choosing to stay angry at him or in loss would have kept me his victim that much longer, and I didn’t want that. I also know that if I wanted to love again then it was up to me grow up and learn from the experience. Hurt people hurt people so the only option for me is to heal.
Lesson 3: You attract the energy that you give or are seeking so if you want great, check your energy sources and level the eff up if need be.
One of the things I have always believed is that you are the sum of the five people closest to you so when you choose your circle, you need to choose wisely. The people we surround ourselves are a source of energy for us that can either enhance or take away from our own energy; additionally, our environment and the things we choose to consume (whether that is social media, books, TV shows, food, whatever) also is a source of energy.
I did not really learn this lesson until 2019 when I noticed a huge shift in positivity when I was no longer in a toxic romantic relationship and left a toxic work environment. Those two energy sources had been draining on me for your years, and as I dropped one source after the other, there was a noticeable feeling of levity like a weight lifted off my shoulders and an opening for more positive energy sources. My environment and people around me became more enlightened and sparked creativity and a feeling of purpose in my soul; I would feel more replenished which would only enhance the energy and the vibrations I would put out which would in turn attract more positivity.
Lesson 4: Being a grown-up means taking personal responsibility for your choices, successes, and ESPECIALLY your failures.
In 2019, I really stopped to reflect on how my life choices really got me to where I was. I took stock of the good choices I have made and the positive fruits of those choices that I have reaped. Then I looked at all the choices that have stopped me from reaching my goals and led to some hard lessons. Reflection of both are necessary to my growth and taking me to where I want to go in the future.
Adulting means owning every decision you make and being personally accountable for whatever the outcome may be, good or bad. Every decision we make has a consequence, and while it is easy to own the good choices and the positive results, owning the bad ones is not an easy feat or a fun one. At times, it can even be painful and downright uncomfortable to hold that mirror up to ourselves and have to look at our flaws or call into question our own judgement; however, that’s being a grown up and that’s where growth happens.
Lesson 5: Self-love is the foundation for every damn thing.
Coming out of a domestic violence situation at the end of 2018, my self-worth, for a lack of better words, was shot to sh*t. I had to relearn how to love myself again because I had put myself second to someone else, and how I allowed myself to be treated in that relationship was indicative of my level of self-love. 2019 was the year I really learned that self-love was the foundation for every damn thing I wanted for myself. Self-love is my foundation to healing my emotional wounds; self-love is foundation my foundation to dreaming and pursuing my ambitions intentionally; self-love is the foundation to my living healthily and authentically; and self-love is the foundation to which I can love others more fully with the knowledge of what it means to love myself. Self-love is self-awareness, self-worth, self-care, and self-acceptance. It is everything, and it all begins with a personal decision; it all begins with the self.