By: Belle Rios
Let me start with a little about myself. I am a 31 year old single female who has not had her first kiss, never been on a date, and, to be brutally honest, I am still a virgin. A little too much information for most to admit; but, I don’t BS. You see, when it comes to relationships and me not being in one, it is simply because I’m still looking for that “Old Fashioned Love”.
This whole swipe left or right and putting myself out there is simply not for me. It works for this new modern world we live in but that’s just not me. I’ve downloaded and deleted Bumble, Tinder, Zoosk, etc. several times, and I just can’t find myself starting an initial conversation with someone I have never met. I have met people who are in long-term relationships who met their partners online- so I know it can work. This new fashioned digital love world we live in does work for a lot of individuals but does that mean I have to adapt to it? Is it wrong to want a deeper connection?
I mean don’t get me wrong, meeting someone online named Kip and him holding a sign with my name on it instead of La Fawnduh sounds amazing and all; but, it’s just not for me. (Napoleon Dynamite movie reference)
The struggle with my Old Fashioned Mindset:
1. Feeling like a bad modern woman because you just want a guy to make the first move.
2. Actually believing in getting asked out, asking people out in-person or by phone call. (“Hi! I know you exist but I want you to prove to me you notice me.”)
3. Knowing that a guy does not have to open a door for you but making a mental note of it as a lack of chivalry if he does not open the door for you- especially when you’re on a date. (If a random stranger can open and hold doors for me, then my future partner should too. #Respect)
4. Not understanding this whole exhausting desire to pretend that we’re all “too cool “to be needy and want love. ( “I want you to want me…”)
5. Actually wanting to date, and I mean a real date where two people do stuff together that sometimes involves paying for meals, awkward conversations, and sober kisses.
6. Constantly getting told you have unrealistic expectations when it comes to connecting with someone. “Okay, Belle continue living in your 18th century love world”, says one friend.
7. Making each other’s life values important to one another. (“I’ll show you my baggage if you show me yours.”)
8. Finding someone who wants an old-fashioned relationship too! (Does anyone out there exist? If you do, call me!)
The struggle is real!
So how does this tie into a mental health blog? By understanding that it’s not all about what kind of background you have or who you like, love or simply want to hook up with. It’s important to understand that the first person you need to find a deep and meaningful connection with is yourself.
Through the 31 years that I have been blessed to exist in this world, I have struggled with depression, loneliness and anxiety. I’m also Latina and according to my culture I should already be married with my fourth child and love being a stay at home mom. (Yeah not for me- this is where I’m a little more modern) Love is universal but it is different for every single living being in the universe. And that is okay.
Up until a month ago, if someone were to ask me if I was ready to date I would have said “NO, I am definitely not!” Then all of a sudden my heart skipped a beat and let me tell you that has never happened before to me. So instead of acting upon my feelings, I reverted back to my little box. My anxiety picked up. So I began focusing on my career and education because that is my comfort zone. But still my anxiety was going nowhere.
I began to question myself and began over-analyzing every single detail of my life (because that’s normal right?). In processing my neuroses, I decided to go through the junkyard piles of clothes I had in my room. As I began clearing it up, I found a necklace I thought I had lost. It is a copper necklace with a penny pendant with the word “Worthy” stamped on it. I picked it up and sat for a while as I analyzed my self worth. Then it clicked, I am worthy of everything I want in life which included “Old Fashioned Love”. That’s when it hit me hard because if I were to be asked if I am ready to join the world of dating and putting myself out there now, my answer is “YES”.
So no matter where you are in this whole modern world of love, make sure to love yourself more than any other person will; and, as the “Honor Thyself” post earlier on this blog stated: things will simply fall into place.
Whether it’s Old Fashioned Love, modern love or a mix of both.